Olin yksin
hapuilin tietäni
kapealla polulla.

Monia risteyksiä,
enkä tunne yhtäkään.
En tiedä mihin polku johtaa
en ole varma mihin suuntaan sitä kävelen.

En tiedä, mihin risteykset vievät
niitä on liikaa
enkä koskaan näe niiden loppua.

Sitä polkua
minä kutsun elämäksi.

Mutta kun polun varrelta löytää jotakin
tärkeää
jonka haluaisi pitää luonaan
se on vaikeaa.

Se koettaa kääntyä eri risteyksestä kuin sinä
kävellä hitaammin
juosta edelläsi
vaihtaa suuntaa.

Silti
jos hän joskus
kävelee kanssasi
samaa tahtia
samaan suuntaan
voit unohtaa risteykset
jatkaa matkaasi
eikä sinua enää vaivaa
mitä toisten polkujen päässä olisi.

Olet löytänyt oman paikkasi
ainakin hetkeksi.

Joskus myöhemmin
saatat kääntyä uudelleen
kohdata eri ihmisen
eri paikassa
ehkä eri tavallakin.

Kaikki, jotka kohtaat
eivät kävele kanssasi.
He voivat satuttaa sinua
kampata sinut polulle
pysäyttää sinut.

Mutta kaatunut voi nousta
pysähtynyt voi lähteä liikkeelle
ja myöhemmin kohtaat jonkun
joka on valmis auttamaan sinut ylös
tukemaan askeliasi
odottamaan sinua.

Silloin voit tietää
että olet löytänyt ihmisen
joka kävelee sinun kanssasi
matkan päähän.
Jos sellaista on.

Stars are broken pieces in the deepest black. Drops against the black sky, so far apart from each other. They're only shining broken light that won't heal any evil. The moon will never turn whole from the crescent. That crescent will cut our hearts into a thousand pieces.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I lift my hand at eye level and watch a thin scar in the middle of my hand. It cleaves white skin by little red stripe. My blood, your blood… Our blood.  I can still remember your silent whisper in my ear. Then you pressed your hand to mine and hold it tight. I didn't feel pain anymore and I felt the warmth rushing to my heart. Was this a wound, my soul slowly flow away? Does all the evilness force an entry to my body? I touch the scar and feel how the old pain slashes my skin. "Our blood", I whisper into the silence. Were my tears after your death only self-pitiless? No, I loved you, even though I never had a time to tell it to you.

 Can you see me now? You're eyes are burning my back and still I don't see anyone. No, don't. Don't look at me. Close your eyes. No-one loves me and I threw my heart into the sky. It became one of those broken stars along the other stars. I'm ugly. Filthy. There is no point looking at me. No, go away.

Your name meant love to me for a long time. But, what was love. How many lifelong eternities will go, before I can see your face again? When will my prince ride to me and save me from all this suffering? I carry on only hoping, that maybe somewhere beyond the stars there is a home for me too. My home was there where you were. In my dreams there has been lost a harsh judgment, but in my case it is true.

You wouldn't have needed a halo to be an angel. You wouldn't have needed wings to be pure and innocent.  Then why did you have to move to heaven, away from me? But, you don't care.  Your weak and sick voice is echoing in my ears. But, I do care. I care so much it hurts. But even then the pain was breaking my heart so I couldn't say anything.

You were the closest person to me in the whole world, but still you were too so far away. Would it have been easier just to let go? Or would it have hurt even more?  I couldn't run any faster away, but still you caught me and hold me in your arms. I was afraid, because there I was fine.

I know I will make mistakes in the future but the greatest of my mistakes is already made. I didn't let myself love. Who does such a thing? Up and down my heart flew. It flew for so long but then it fell. It would have only needed someone to catch it. But who can love if she won't know what it is? You were only person who understood. Is it love to leave?  Leave me here.

Who let's angel's die? You just flew to the golden sunset and then I didn't see you never again. I realized your importance when you were already gone.

Why didn't I take care of you when you were ill? Why didn't I kiss the pain away or never stayed beside you until you fall asleep? Because I was afraid and I still am afraid. My lips were shaking too much to even press a kiss on your cheek. And every time you close your eyes I was afraid that you won't ever open your eyes again. I even was afraid to breath near you and when I touched you I was afraid that you would get broken.  And I didn't trust myself to heal our broken dream.

When a person is beautiful and pure like you were life must be limited. That was the thing I used to heal my pain, when I didn't let you be mine. You had to help others, share your strength to others. I guess you even cried pearls. I was so afraid of your perfection.

You just wanted me to have your life and love but I didn't dare to take it. Now there is nothing left to give. I pushed you away and kept you far away from me. But you didn't stop trying. Why didn't you stop? Because that's what love actually is, I just didn't realize that at the time.

And everything that I feel, there is a name. Pain. It did tear my heart and visited in my head without invitation. When I close my eyes I can see only your face. Your face is tattooed under my eyelids. But, my love in the dreams you're mine again.

Helmi-Elina  27th of December 2007

To very dear person, who was too good to be in this world. I hope you knew how much you meant to me. I'm sorry it took so long to realize it. I won't ever forget us. Far longer than forever.

I would like you to know that if you could come back I wouldn't change a thing; I would do it all over again. Without any kind of hesitations or thinking it might be wrong.  I just wish I could stop escaping, but every time I try I find myself escaping again. It is like an endless circle.

You can call it madness or illness. You can call it any humiliating or aloof name.

But I, I call it love.

Suljet silmäsi.
Tuuli pyyhkäisee ylitsesi
viimeisen kerran.
Auringon valo
himmenee silmistäsi.

Voimakas ääni
kaikuu saleissa
sinun avatessasi silmäsi.
Se kysyy nimeäsi
kertoo missä olet.

Sen omistaja
katsoo syvin silmin
hymy huulillaan
sinä hymyilet takaisin
kuolema on kaunis.

Sinä tunnet olevasi kotona
ja astut eteen päin
luot viimeisen katseen
kauniiseen hahmoon.
Etsit rakkaitasi
ja kuulet äänen.
He ovat tuolla
se sinulle sanoo
Lämpimästi, välittäen.
Ehkä kuolemakin voi rakastaa.

En ole koskaan ymmärtänyt
Sitä voimaa
rakkauden sanattomuutta
kahlitsemattomuutta
hallitsevuutta.

En ole kohdannut sitä
löytänyt omaani
sieluni osaa
joka kätkeytyi
odottamattomaan.

Jotkut pystyvät siihen
olen kuullut niin
olen nähnyt sen
kaksi katsetta
kohtaavat toisensa.
Kaksi sydäntä
jotka lyövät
samaan tahtiin.

Kaksi melodiaa
joita kaksi eri ihmistä laulaa
samalla sävelellä
samalta korkeudelta
eri tavalla.

Mutta joskus
tulee aika
jolloin kaksi katsetta
eivät enää löydä toisiaan.
Toiset silmät sammuvat.
Katse siirtyy ajattomuuteen.

Aika, jolloin
toisen sydämen rytmi katoaa
hiipuu pois
vaihtaa tahtiaan.

Melodiat eroavat toisistaan
äänet kadottavat
yhteisen sävelen
rytmin
korkeuden.

Ihmiset
jotka kerran olivat yksi
ovat jälleen kaksi
kaivaten rakkaitaan.